Many gay or SSA folks experience a delayed or second adolescence in adulthood after keeping our sexuality secret in our first adolescence when we unconsciously adapted to the heteronormative culture around us. When we finally do find safe masculine circles, whether within YOB or elsewhere, conversational topics like sex or masturbation, or shared male experiences like nudity and cuddling hold great appeal – if not laced with some of that adolescent immaturity or a tinge (or bucketload) of obsession.
Tom welcomes back his younger brother, Andy, for a little Super Bowl 101 for our potentially football-illiterate audience! If you are going to any Super Bowl parties for the socializing, food, commercials, halftime show, or essentially everything but the actual game, Andy gives you a few stories to look out for to keep your interest. The brothers predict the winner and vastly disagree on who you should be cheering for. They also discuss the magic of Valentine’s Day, and where Tom would have gone to college in an alternate universe (definitely not Georgia).
If we were gonna cuddle safely in the dark, why not just cuddle safely in the light? Open the veil, so to speak? We were lying down next to each other, my head on his chest, or his head on mine, I forget. Everything was quiet. Nobody else was in the room. But it would not stay that way.
Tom welcomes back Marshall to catch us up on his pandemic-induced overworked, yet puppy-filled life on the farm! He shares what he has always enjoyed about our YOBBERS retreats and gives some context to his "bought the field" Xanga blog username of yesteryear. Finally, Marshall shares about one of his longtime single friends, now dating a girl, and the joy he finds as a "friend of the bridegroom."
Being gay has ruined large crowds for me. Something about being surrounded, seen but utterly unknown, twists my soul. And then add to that the layers of guilt I feel. All these couples I'm jealous of because they get to be here together. Or the number of attractive men I see, the number of times I don't control my lustful thoughts. Or worst of all: when I spot a gay couple somewhere out there, and I want to be them, and I wish I didn't.
Frankly, all this relational turmoil boiled to the point that I thought: You know what? I'm sick of gay men. Tired of the super sensitive personalities, tired of the drama queens. Heck, the emotionless or stoic personalities of most straight men started to feel preferable to what I'd found lately with other gay/SSA men. Nonetheless, with our YOBBERS retreat coming up I needed to put aside my negativity as best I could.
It's now been three to four years since I've written those blogs on cuddling and nudity, and I've shared many cuddles since with guys I've met through YOB. But have any of my thoughts changed since I wrote those posts?
Is fashion just for women, or can men enjoy fashion too? Is it "gay" or "metrosexual" to dress well or put a certain amount of effort into our wardrobe choices? How did we dress ourselves through adolescence, and what impacts how we dress ourselves today? Join Tom, Ryan, and Matt for a particular podcast topic Matt has been wanting us to discuss for years.
It seems the only celibate communities forming are only by fellow "Side B" gay Christians, done so out of necessity. That really bothers me. Don't misunderstand me: it is good for celibate gay Christians to form communities. What bothers me, though, is that those communities should have already been started by celibate straight people.
When we talk about masculinity, we usually talk like it is something we need to become, instead of something we already are. I think we need to introduce a new masculine narrative: a new narrative that is actually an old one, formed by Scripture.