When the call came, it wasn't that I couldn't hear it; it was that I had no interest in obeying. For Jonah, that call was Nineveh. For me? It was coming out. My "solution" for my sexuality was quite simple: I'd tell no one, become straight, and then move on with my life. A secret I'd die keeping rather than ever share; I could hardly admit it to myself, let alone another human.
Do I live the way I live purely because of the way I was raised? Do I still harbor any internalized homophobia of myself and others? Is that why I'm "Side B"? Is this all coming from a place of pious self-righteousness?
We hadn't seen each other in a while, so we caught up on each other's lives. Then came the confrontation. The tone changed, and he wanted to get some stuff off his chest. He told me he didn't appreciate my butting in on their relationship and trying to save our friendship. That if he had to choose between our friendship or his girlfriend, he'd choose her.
I realized that these guys had come to this YOBBERS retreat for the right reasons. They came to honor Christ, love one another, and encourage each other. And that included me. I realized that I had come expecting to work and only work, with no expectation to receive anything.
Humility is not about being hard on yourself; it's about fighting the urge to stand at the center of it all. As I stood there at this year's YOBBERS retreat, an observer rather than a participant, God reminded me I wasn't there to get as much as I could get, or even give as much as I could give. The YOBBERS retreat was bigger than me. I didn't need to stand in the center of anything.
We recently held our second annual YOBBERS retreat: a weekend gathering for our financial supporters and community members on Patreon. Several of our authors attended, and we discussed our time together — both highs and lows — in the Blue Ridge Mountains.
God could have prevented my attraction to men. Whatever your beliefs on causation, I believe God is powerful enough to have adjusted whatever needed adjusting to have prevented my attraction to men. Since this did not happen, I can only determine one reasonable possibility: my sexuality was something God wanted for my life. Therefore, I see it as a gift.
Pull up a chair as Tom talks about the recent decision to remove our first 39 podcast episodes. Join Tom, Ryan, Jacob, and Dean for a vulnerable conversation on letting go. Letting go of people, letting go of the past, and letting go of the future. Because if we can't let go of old things, how can we ever let new things in? Before we dive into the nitty-gritty, we talk about Tom's Lenten "masturbation cleanse," his recent trip to a monastery, the "perfect friend date," and possibly rebranding our new hit intro segment, "The Brother Beat"?
If we want to win hearts, we have to ask better questions. How do we win hearts? We win hearts with good news. I want people in my church community to ask themselves, "What is the good news for LGBT+ people in our marriage ethic?"
I like men in more than just a friendly way. I am a man who is attracted emotionally and sexually to other men. I am also married to a woman, attracted only to her out of all the women on earth. Somehow, it works. I am queer. And for much of my life, that has terrified me.