I've long heard a common refrain among fellow gay or SSA folks in the church, and it's something I've honestly never been able to relate with. That's not to put myself "above" others; it's just my reality. Many have tried to "pray the gay away," and I can't recall ever doing so. From a young age I felt a certain draw to the other boys, and while I felt shame for the lingering looks and daydreams, I never blamed God or even asked Him to take it away, add a splash of heterosexuality, or what have you.
After a months-long hiatus of the show, Tom updates everyone on his new medical condition. Ryan and Jacob also join the show to share moments of gratitude from these last few months of the coronavirus pandemic. Additionally, the guys look back on their entire lives and recount moments of gratitude in their journeys with faith, homosexuality, and masculinity.
I just have a longing to be accepted, seen as a man among men. To feel like one of the guys. Yes, I've experienced those feelings with fellow "Side B" friends, but sometimes it only feels like one side of the coin.
To many Christians, I am a burden. I have strong faith convictions, and I try to live according to those convictions. I love studying the Bible and find joy in my faith. I also give up a lot. Living the celibate life is not easy at times. But all too often the burden of this celibate gay/SSA life is only increased by the church.
We've written over 300 blogs here at YOB since 2015, and we gathered four of our site's authors to discuss our favorite ones – recorded in front of a couple dozen people, no less. That's right, it's our first-ever LIVE recorded podcast with a digital audience! We invited our Patreon supporters on Facebook to watch and participate in the discussion with comments and questions for this episode's cast: Tom, Ryan, Dean, and Matt. Each of us reads our personal favorite blog for the cast and YOBBERS to discuss. We also mention our blogs that have garnered the most views these last four years, and Tom and Matt share lots of fun-loving "big brother" moments together.
It often feels like a self-fulfilling cycle of a formula: that as soon as I praise God, when I repent and I'm again "right" with Him, I'm back on an inevitable trajectory toward porn and promiscuity and the dark desires of my heart.
Do we talk about pornography too much as the Church or not nearly enough? Do we "talk about talking about" pornography or do we actually talk about it? Pornography is more accessible than ever before and, increasingly, more aggressive. It's a struggle and an addiction that has reached and claimed all people: gay, straight, men, and women. Join Tom, Ryan, and Jacob as we take a deep dive into the science and story of pornography. It's one of our classic episodes that we're reopening in a new way.
For the longest time I felt afraid about the locker room setting. Part of my fear and shame came from body-image issues, as I was the "fat kid" most of my life. Part of my fear also came from my same-sex attraction – the fear for potential arousal. I was curious how the other guys looked but also ashamed and scared to be around them or be seen in my nakedness.
I've had at least a decade to process my sexuality, why certain men "do it" for me and why others do not. I've already written about what kinds of guys I'm attracted to and my cycles of physical and emotional same-sex attraction. But am I sexually attracted to men? The answer has become so clear over the last couple years: no.
I've pretty much always been attracted to guys in one manner or another. Some times more obsessively and explicitly than others. Some times more emotionally than physically. And for whatever reason, never sexually.