When I started meeting guys who also experienced same-sex attraction, some did start to receive my aggressive style of hugs. However, like my kids, some weren't quite ready for them. As I navigated who I could tackle-hug next, one guy invited me to hold his hand. I rolled my eyes a little internally but took him up on the offer, not expecting much: a simple gesture that would soon be forgotten. That is, until I noticed how much pressure I exerted on his hand as we sat together – and how gently he touched mine back.
This missionary gentleman asked if I'd consider participating in a Bible study he'd be leading. After some thought and prayer, I agreed. The first step of joining this group required each participant to share his or her testimony. I knew this upon agreeing to attend, and I had time to prepare. Of course, part of my testimony is being a gay, celibate Christian. I knew I'd have to share this detail; why wouldn't I be completely transparent in my testimony?
It's easier to remain in the cage even when you can leave, because it's familiar. It's normal. It's hard to ask others for help. It's hard to just...be. Alone. In your own skin.
Nhat makes his debut appearance! We celebrate his 1-year YOBiversary as he tells us his “at home” story of being married to his wife of the last four years. He shares the challenges of merging his wife’s family dynamic and his own into one new family and home, as well as the joys of complimenting one another and yearning for a better home together. We also dive into Nhat’s childhood as a “PK” or pastor’s kid and how that has impacted his faith journey, including his coming out experience at 21. How did coming out affect his parents, particularly his father, in an Asian culture often marked by honor and shame?
Harrison returns to discuss his societally common but YOB-ly uncommon home life: a wife and three kids! He shares the joys of noise in his home, as well as the challenges of wondering whether he measures up as a dad. We learn about the farm where he grew up, including the literal closet that was once his refuge. Harrison shares vulnerably about his struggles to feel "at home" in his male body, also pointing out the beauty of Jesus' having a human body along with the Spirit's indwelling in physical bodies today. While having kids doesn’t complete a man, Harrison also shares how having children has helped him lean into more of his masculinity. Perhaps there are fatherly energies we all possess as men, even beyond having biological children?
Daniel returns to discuss his life in SoCal, living with two straight men! Like Andrew, he also moved across America for a new start and a new home from the Midwest. He tells us Andrew's teased "pots and pans" story from our last episode, a snapshot of pursuing healthy communication and expectations with straight roommates. Daniel shares some of the joys of living with straight men, including the activities in which they partake with each other and all of Daniel's queer friends, as well as the challenges. What will happen if and when these straight men choose to marry women and move out? Is there still joy to be found in the seasonality of such a home life?
Together, we are still invited to the same calling in marriage: to bear the image of God and represent Christ and the Church in our love for one another. Why would I share this part of our married life, my sexuality, which some may see as so private so as only to be known to one's priest or pastor?
I understand some people have to portray themselves in certain ways for cultural reasons, or because they don't want to hurt their families. But how many more mornings are we willing to wear this mask around people just to cry into our pillows at night?
To recognize Christ as fairer than the sons of men, maybe I must first recognize the fairness of men themselves. Not boil down and shy away from the patterns of fairness I behold in them, but simply say, "Hey, he is very beautiful."
Harrison Bly joins the show to discuss masculine friendship! Harrison is a member of our YOBBERS community and the author of Bent on Men, a book recently featured in our monthly YOBBERS Book Club. Both Tom and Harrison reference their books, sharing what happens after some pivotal friendships change, fizzle, or even disintegrate entirely after the final page. They discuss the friendship dynamics of connecting with straight men as well as fellow "Side B" men. What are the challenges or even road blocks to forming various male friendships? And what do we do with this loneliness epidemic which has hit men hard?