We're talking about "the talk"! You know, "The Birds and the Bees" (whatever that even means). Join Tom, Ryan, and Jacob for a trip down memory lane as we recount our memories (or lacks thereof) involving the sex talk with our parents, along with sex education at our schools. How many folks do, in fact, actually receive the sex talk as a kid? Our very scientific poll results from our secret YOBBERS group may surprise you. We also zoom out for a broader view of sex: how did our family upbringing and culture surrounding sex affect our thoughts and feelings on sex today? And what do we think of God's creating of sex?
For the longest time I felt afraid about the locker room setting. Part of my fear and shame came from body-image issues, as I was the "fat kid" most of my life. Part of my fear also came from my same-sex attraction – the fear for potential arousal. I was curious how the other guys looked but also ashamed and scared to be around them or be seen in my nakedness.
And so, as we walked through a local park, barely past our first month of dating, I told her about my same-sex attraction. I told her of my failed dating history, that I wasn't sure I could be attracted to women, that most men who were SSA, despite years of prayer and trying to make things work, would not be attracted to women and that my SSA would possibly never go away.
I've pretty much always been attracted to guys in one manner or another. Some times more obsessively and explicitly than others. Some times more emotionally than physically. And for whatever reason, never sexually.
Ah, straight guys — also known as "the normal ones." What a load of complicated feelings I have toward them. I see straight guys now and again in groups together. It evokes more of an emotional longing. A deeply profound longing. It's a feeling of wanting to be like them, to be one of them. To be normal and accepted by ordinary men and be like ordinary men. But it can't be that way. I'm different.
I'm grateful "Band of Brothers" introduced me to the concept of true brotherhood at a young age. Had I not seen it, I may have grown up thinking the only type of intimacy between people is sex. At long last, I feel like I have found my band of brothers here at YOB and in the "Side B" world at large: men who know me, love me, and will be there for me, even at the end.
Intimacy is scary, and intimacy is vulnerable. Intimacy can be shared or rejected. Intimacy is special and sacred, and intimacy is everyday. Intimacy is sexual and emotional, physical and spiritual. Join Tom, Ryan, and Jacob in the first of a two-part deep dive into intimacy. The brothers define intimacy, likening it to a fire, discussing the differences and nuances between intimacy and vulnerability. They also talk about their first forays into intimacy many years ago and what the cornerstone of their most intimate relationships has been.
This month, I talk about joining CrossFit and how it's been a vital outlet for my intense emotions as well as an equalizer of masculinity among other men. Unlike my gym workouts from high school days past.
Whenever I struggled, I sent my friend a message and he encouraged me. By all accounts, I started doing better with my depression. But that's how codependency can look at the start -- a "healthy" accountability relationship.
I hadn't wanted orientation change out of a desire to please God. I'd wanted to be straight because I simply wanted to be normal. I had been scared. I was internally homophobic, hating myself and especially other gay men.