In this episode of MANLY MONDAY, I process our recently held YOBBERS retreat -- including my favorite element and my least favorite aspect of 47 dudes from all over the world uniting in a single place. What was great about our retreat, and what was just awful about it? I have much to say about our emotional weekend together and life's mountaintop moments at large.
The slog of waking up to my drab mundane life takes a sharp turn for the better, and I am suddenly filled with hope and optimism. The world is not so scary anymore. How on earth did I live without this hope before? I attended this year's YOBBERS retreat, and my mind is spinning over what I just saw and experienced.
Most of my life, I've thought of faith mainly as a decision based on knowing some facts about God. Instead, faith is about coming to Jesus in such a way that the deepest hungers and thirsts of our souls are satisfied in him.
He wanted me to be a man, to be tough, emotionally disciplined and not giving in to my grief. After all, we should consider ourselves like soldiers in battle who can't afford to stop and grieve when someone dies. I couldn't fully process everything at the time, but you can imagine how I felt as a sensitive guy.
He was never physically affectionate; we’d never even hugged. I wanted to touch him not out of a sexual desire but from a longing to connect with him as love with a brother. I dreamed of a day when we could embrace and confess our brotherly love for each other. I put my hand on his shoulder once. He brushed it off.
Is it really acceptable for men to cry? American culture has told me and countless other boys and young men that crying is not manly.
I definitely don't know some of my other brothers like I know my friends. I still consider them my brothers, though. We still fight alongside each other.
I know what it's like to hurt, to have nowhere to go. This is why I keep ministering to people who need to hear that Jesus loves them.
I still get tense and nervous and start shaking just thinking about coming out again. Some days it's better; other days it's not.
One day my friend came home and found me in deep emotional turmoil. He directly asked me what was wrong, so I tried to explain what I was feeling about him.