Sometimes you just have to be honest with yourself about who you are. After another year and a half in Germany, I woke up one morning, walked down to my first sergeant's office, and told him I was gay – that I didn't want to be in the Army anymore. My colonel had to sign off on that paperwork; he refused. And I was arrested. The Army rushed the investigation, and I was court-martialed.
It seems one can find almost anything on the Internet nowadays, with the exception of a serious discussion about sexuality and disabilities; let me assure you, I have looked. It has been increasingly important to me (and certainly others in my plight) to find such information. I was born with cerebral palsy, along with the ability to ask questions apparently nobody is supposed to ask. Like most kids who grow up gay, I felt different on the inside; in my particular case, I was different on the outside too.
Tom welcomes his pastor to the show! Fred shares some tales from a recent road trip with his mom and unpacks his call to ministry, including how he never expected to be a lead pastor. He also describes his "coming in" story: his first interactions with gay people going all the way back to high school and college, and also his learning about "Side B" gay/SSA people in the church. What advice would Fred give to anyone listening who has never come out to a pastor before?
There is no one group that is "for" my existence as a celibate SSA Christian, nor is there a specific group "against" it. It can feel like I have no clear place to turn to in the Church, because every place is equally likely to attack some part of who I am or what I do. Meanwhile, all I strive to be is a sold out follower of Christ.
Something came crashing into my mind when Peter asked me to be a team leader at church: a stream of familiar feelings, similar to the ones I felt the first time I had to come out. They were feelings of inadequacy; the line of thinking that I was in a somewhat state of sinfulness that compelled me to confess.
What follows is a template to give you a potential starting point for conversation with anyone in your church leadership. I write this as one who has had both positive and negative experiences coming out to church leadership.
I'd spent a long time laboriously looking for a community to belong, and I'd finally found one. With this new community, though, came a growing fear – the fear of eventually being rejected. If they knew me, like really knew me, would they still want to be friends with me or even associate with me at all?
Will Cooper makes his debut audio appearance on the YOB Podcast Network! He traces his decision to become a pastor all the way back to childhood, and he reminisces about coming out to his church early into his joining YOB. He also brings some of his favorite poetry to share, including a poem from his YOB namesake William Cowper, as Tom also shares his favorite poem.
Many folks in our community bear wounds and baggage from churches, be it local bodies or broader denominations. What do we do with our church angst? How should we rightly frame our motivations or expectations for attending church as gay or SSA-identifying folks? Join Tom, Ryan, and Aaron as he makes his YOBcast debut, as we share our journeys of finding, connecting, and serving in the local church – with all the hope and angst in between.
My teenage self saw a lot of me in Ed Wood. I may not have ever wanted to crossdress, but I still held my own big secret with homosexuality. I identified with this concept of struggling with a secret which society considers taboo.