In this episode, Tom dives into the third of our five YOB values — brotherhood. In brotherhood, we learn to share our burdens with one another and bond in the two ways Jesus demonstrated -- the being and the doing. Tom talks his childhood yearnings for brotherhood and how this longing has translated to the present day.
In this episode of Manly Monday, Tom talks about the second of our five YOB values — humility. In humility, we learn to look beyond ourselves and our stories as we trust another Author with a bigger story. In humility, we fight against what fiercely interferes with our relationship with our Maker: pride.
I'd transition to being a woman. I'd find a man to love me for who I was, and I'd become his wife. I'd run away with him and find freedom to be the woman I was supposed to be. This is not what happened, of course. Some would call it a mercy; others, a tragedy. I call it taking ownership of my gender identity.
I couldn't be like these people. They seemed like the antithesis of everything I stood for. Finding out that the Bible forbade homosexual sex only fueled my self-righteous anger. To assert my masculinity and avoid being labeled gay at all costs, I joined my other straight male classmates in mocking gay people.
What started that night was three years of an unchecked porn addiction. I never felt guilty. I don't know why. Perhaps because I felt like I wasn't hurting anyone?
I felt comforted. Assured. Confident. My pastor's hand on my shoulder gave me a shot of strength.
As my childhood entered a big transition phase, I started dealing with it through unhealthy self-reliance. This created a sort of double life.
God has promised to never leave me or forsake me. He promised that my hope in Him will never put me to shame. I am fully known and fully loved.
I was honestly lonely then, but I pretended like I wasn't. Self-reliance unconsciously became my norm.
My nudist desires have never been entirely sexual. I've long known that it comes from a deep desire for intimacy. To be known fully as a man by other men.