I hadn't wanted orientation change out of a desire to please God. I'd wanted to be straight because I simply wanted to be normal. I had been scared. I was internally homophobic, hating myself and especially other gay men.
Who is Jesus? What role does Jesus play in our stories and our struggles? Join Tom, Ryan, and first-timer Kevin for a long overdue discussion on the cornerstone of this entire community: Jesus. We talk about our individual beginnings with Jesus, our favorite Jesus stories, and how Jesus intersects our sexuality and masculinity.
How do men experience body image compared to women? On a physical level and an emotional level, what does it mean to possess a healthy male body image? And how do our sexualities tie into our body image? Join Tom, Ryan, and first-timer Jacob for a discussion on insecurities about body shapes, friendship desirability, penis size, balding, and our innate sense of masculinity.
It's October 11, National Coming Out Day. Over the years, countless individuals, young and old, have taken to YouTube, Facebook, the Internet, and face-to-face relationships to finally reveal their sexuality this month. Coming out is a pivotal moment in any gay or SSA (same-sex attracted) person's journey, and we gathered our featured authors together for a conversation on our own coming out experiences this Coming Out Month.
I remember being envious of the other boys who seemed so free in their bodies, so free with their bodies. I remember being envious of their slenderness, and later on, their muscles. I remember lying in bed wishing so hard that I could wake up and be miraculously thin. I remember knowing that I shouldn't hate my body but having no idea how to stop.
We finished the day by taking silhouette pictures with the blazing orange-and-pink sky as our backdrop. My siblings lovingly kissed their spouses and lifted them up in the air as some of the most romantic and precious images I'd ever witnessed. I stayed to watch for a little while, knowing that no one would ask me if I wanted any pictures by myself. That would have been absurd, right? It didn't take long for me to reach the end of what I could handle with my family. So, I ran away.
When I was a kid, my dream was to grow up and get a wife and kids. A lot of kids. My family and church taught me to pray for my future spouse. So, I did. Everyday for years. I prayed for the girl I'd one day marry, that God would protect her and care for her, whoever she was.
I hated being the awkward, quiet introvert; I wanted to be like the energetic, chatty, extroverted kids. They always seemed to make a bajillion friends and were always the life of the party who people laughed at and enjoyed. I hated myself for not having charisma or speaking when it mattered. I thought something was wrong with me.
Call it a "new direction" or a clearer translation of what YOB has been from the start: a community desperate for Jesus. My 31-year Jesus journey leads me here. Wherever "here" is. Broken on the floor. Echoes of the past ringing in my ears. Doubts for the future always shadowing my vision no matter how many tears I blink away.
In this episode of Manly Monday, Tom dives into the fourth of our five YOB values — courage. A value that goes hand-in-hand with our final value, vulnerability. In order to embrace vulnerability, however, one must first take courage. Watch as Tom talks about rollercoasters, public speaking, and Holy Spirit promptings.