I don't remember thinking of myself as gay. There was always something wrong with me, and I was beginning to see it.
I saw I was faced with a stark choice: it was gay sex or Jesus Christ, a relationship with one or the other, but not both.
My middle school years were some of my most difficult times. I started noticing other guys and growing overwhelmed by my first gay feelings.
All I could think was: I am going to hell. I was obsessed with this idea that I'd never have a right relationship with God.
From the earliest time I can remember until I was almost done with college, my two older brothers abused me verbally and emotionally.
For a Native American who is struggling with same-sex attraction (SSA) or views himself as gay, it's kind of hard to fit into this family dynamic.
I saw that my father had a very real relationship with God that was uncommon, powerful, and full of joy. I knew I wanted to be close to God because of Dad.
An anticipated drive with my dad would prove to be a fracturing moment in our relationship. It was the moment my father failed me.
I will be reminded of this brokenness every time we are forced to gather. I hate this brokenness. For it is in this brokenness that my SSA came to be.
Later in my life when I was tempted to go after gay sexual pleasures, I could not escape the reality that only Jesus really satisfies.