I'm feeling an ache from an empty space in my life. The ache seems to be crying out for something I haven't felt much desire in — well, forever? I'm feeling a longing for affectionate, brotherly touch from another guy: a hug, an arm around the shoulder, a tight embrace, an encouraging pat on the back, a caring hand on my neck. And I have no idea why.
We're BACK! Introducing our new (totally not old) video series: the MANLY MONTHLY! I talk the new series format and give some highlights of this past summer, including hosting our second YOBBERS retreat and attending the second Revoice conference. I also close with a quick dive into John 6 and why, above all other paths, Jesus is the one we're following at YOB.
One night, I had a sexual dream about one of the male cabin leaders. I didn't want my past to ruin the summer and my connections with the other male staff. On several previous occasions, telling my story had helped me break down some of the awkwardness I felt. So, I grabbed the cabin leader supervisor and shared my story with him.
For better or worse, we all start with families of origin. But what of this concept of families of choice? A chosen family that goes beyond blood and DNA? Join Tom, Ryan, and Jacob for a discussion on chosen family: what it means for the LGBTQ+ community, what it means for believers, and what it means for this overlap of communities in YOB and beyond.
I've pretty much always been attracted to guys in one manner or another. Some times more obsessively and explicitly than others. Some times more emotionally than physically. And for whatever reason, never sexually.
Joshua Harris pastored my church for over ten years. To our surprise, he recently announced he is divorcing his wife and and that he is no longer a Christian! Additionally, he has adopted a "Side A" gay-affirming belief. Despite all this drama and the church's many other issues, this place has been of some help to guys dealing with same-sex attraction.
Ah, straight guys — also known as "the normal ones." What a load of complicated feelings I have toward them. I see straight guys now and again in groups together. It evokes more of an emotional longing. A deeply profound longing. It's a feeling of wanting to be like them, to be one of them. To be normal and accepted by ordinary men and be like ordinary men. But it can't be that way. I'm different.
We're diving deeper into emotional attachment with special guest, Taylor Zimmerman! Taylor's blogged at Spiritual Friendship and spoken at Revoice. He's a University of Chicago student currently pursuing his third (3rd!) master's degree with interests in philosophy of religion, theology, and psychoanalysis — and how they all come together. Taylor talks to us about attachment theory and the four attachment styles: secure, ambivalent-preoccupied, dismissing-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. It's a fascinating psychological exploration into why we attach to other men the ways we do as gay/SSA (same-sex attracted) men.
It didn't even feel like sexual lust. I just wanted intimacy. I just wanted a man. A man who will come and carry my responsibilities with me. A man who will pursue and lead me for a change. I want a man who will be there for me in everything. I want a man who will make me feel pursued, valued, and loved.
"God has placed us together for a specific reason — that the times, stories, and experiences we share are beneficial for each other," she said. This led to discussion about how community requires vulnerability. Even with a wide open invitation, I remained a silent listener in the community.