I was the problem in this friendship. I refused to let him be anything less than my absolute closest friend. And I said I was sorry.
I processed all the outcomes and knew that ultimately nothing would change by anything I did. My breaking point with my best friend was this: I did nothing.
I'd had enough of life with only these types of strong male friendships while the other types of male friendships went severely lacking. Couldn't I just have "normal" heterosexual guy friends?
Today, while walking around work, I saw him again, this time from the back. I almost fell forward due to the unreal and freakish resemblance. It was all I could do not to burst into tears. It felt like I was being haunted by my best friend.
Looking back, I still wonder: what happened that caused John to go from "best friend" to "somebody that I used to know"? It seemed instantaneous.