Recent Comments
Cliff Joseph on The Masculine Uncertainty of Being UncircumcisedI am not circumcised and never will be. There is no reason to be! I don't understand all the nonsense in the United States about boys and men having to be circumcised. We are born with a foreskin so leave well enough alone! It serves a function... - Steven C on Does Nudity Build Community? My Experience of Cultural Nudity at a Liberty University DormThe last time my friends and I saw each other naked was in the 9th grade gym showers. I was so scared leading up to class, but it really wasn't an issue for me (thanks be to God). While it helped me to be a little more relaxed, it didn't really change my relationship with them. 20+ years later I've been struggling lately with wanting to see certain friends naked. Part of it is curiosity, and part is this idea that it will bring me closer to them (and not having seen is a shortcoming in our current friendship). But...
- David on Does Nudity Build Community? My Experience of Cultural Nudity at a Liberty University DormI attended a Christian college in Tennessee, where my dorm featured open shower bays. These bays became bonding spaces for us as we turned them into makeshift saunas. At times, we would gather in the showers and sing together. We often roamed the hallways and played card games while naked. I felt a stronger connection with those men, especially since I had grown up without brothers. Throughout history, from ancient Greeks and Romans to today, men have gathered, competed, and bathed together in the nude. I often think about the passage in John 21:7, where Peter stripped down for work....
- Steven C on Men’s Fashion as Self-Acceptance: Or, How I Learned to Love ColorAndrew, I don't know that I've seen the literal and figuratively closets so beautifully intertwined in a post. Honestly, I'm not great with fashion. I tend to wear similar things for years. But this kind of gives me some more room to think, as I've struggled with feeling too thin (and hence unmasculine).
- Damien on Why I Do the Sexual Things I DoI couldn’t help but tear up reading this. I identify with so many aspects of your story: feeling othered, desiring access to masculinity, and the overall sense of wanting a friend. Thank you for sharing - you are a blessing, sir!
- Graham on Why I Do the Sexual Things I DoHi Tom. I am just now finding your writing here and I just want to thank you for sharing so openly and honestly. I, too, was a boy stealing away in TJ Maxx to look at models on the underwear packaging and have gone through periods of feeling deeply drawn to talk online with other guys about masturbating and underwear and whatnot. I've also found a lot of confidence increase in me in recent years as I have started to give myself permission to be the man that I have always found so attractive, the one I never felt like...
- r_river on Why I Do the Sexual Things I DoOlá, irmãos! Tom, que relato interessante! Fez-me lembrar de minhas primeiras curiosidades, também experimentadas mediante anúncios de roupas de baixo masculinas, em revistas impressas. Ainda hoje, acho muito atraente ver imagens de homens seminus (cueca ou traje de banho), ou nus artístico. Permita-me apenas discordar um pouco da relação causal entre a masculinidade fragilizada na infância e a atração pelo mesmo sexo. Tempos atrás isso fazia muito sentido para mim, mas fui deixando um pouco de lado essa crença. Grande abraço!
- AJ on Why I Do the Sexual Things I DoI share your pattern. I have been down the same reflection pathway after listening to the Husband Material podcast. I have come to the conclusion that my roulette habits are a way for me to be in an environment where I understand the "rules". I know how to gain approval. All I have to do is sacrifice my dignity and boundaries. Then, as you said, I'm rewarded with fake intimacy. I have learned to watch myself and see when I'm beginning to feel isolated from the "normal" world. It's like a glass bubble surrounds me, and I feel like I...
- Troy on The Story of my Rape as an 8-Year-Old BoyDear Michael. Your title and share mean more to me than you can possibly know, as at age eight I, too, was molested by two older teen boys then ultimately raped by one of them on one final occasion. Our healing journey is helped by hearing stories of similar violations of trust and heartbreak, especially at the very same age of victimhood and innocence. God bless you in your continue healing journey towards survivorship. Thank you for your courageous honesty. Serenity and blessings, my brother.
- Troy on The Story of the Man I Once Called DadMichael. Thank you for sharing your deeply personal, profound thoughts, feelings, and circumstances. Wow, "Father Wounds" are at the heart of so many of our life journeys filled with challenge and struggle. It is helpful to and healing for us all in this beautiful ministry to hear what and how the stories of others can help us understand ourselves better. Opportunities for acceptance and growth. Where forgiveness may be extended and wholeness may be closer and achievable. Lastly, it begs the question, what may have been Bernard's own Father Wounds. Perhaps, those answers may further allow us to recognize the...
- M on Male Nudity Will Fix MeThis and some of your other articles are scarily similar to my own experience. I thought I was the only one. Is there anywhere people can talk and message about this rather than in a public comment section like this?
- Troy on Why I Do the Sexual Things I DoThank you Tom and David. Both of your stories not only resonnate with me but could very much have been me inserted into your own experiences and feelings-attractions. One of the beautiful components of this ministry is 'knowing' that I am not alone, in my life's story and similar battles. I truly appreciate both of your williness to share intimate details of your journeys and experiences, filled with unwanted but very real challenge.
- David on Why I Do the Sexual Things I DoWow! This post resonated with me! Like you, I've struggled with many of the same attractions and habits. Parts of your post felt like you had watched my childhood through my eyes. I was raised with all sisters in a rural area miles from friends. I was a sensitive kid in a farming environment. I can vividly recall being called a sissy by my father and grandfather. I had crushes on girls, but those girls always found something lacking in me, reinforcing those messages from my father and grandfather. Like you, I, too, have always been attracted to men. I...
- Seraphim on How Bro Cuddling Helped Me Become a Gentler DadHey brother! Thanks for the comment! I echo much of Andrew's excellent response here with regard to openness and taking conversations slowly. I have maintained with my wife an openness with respect to my experience of sexuality from dating through marriage. The patterns of those conversations with respect to touch have varied widely, sometimes looking like her shrugging her shoulders and saying, "that's neat," to more intense conversations where we process our commitments to each other, and that any touch or surrounding boundaries should be set out of love for one another and to build up our home. If anything,...
- Andrew on How Bro Cuddling Helped Me Become a Gentler DadI'm not Seraphim, but I'll give my two cents... My wife and I have had to have a number of conversations about this. I'm not massively into physical touch, like some guys, but I do desire it from men that I'm emotionally connected to. I was pretty worried that, because I'm not very touchy with her, she would be jealous/hurt. For context, I came out before marriage, but then we didn't process it much. Only in the past few years have I more come to terms with my sexually. In general, she has navigated my coming to terms with my...
- guest on How Bro Cuddling Helped Me Become a Gentler DadI crave physical touch with other men but know my wife would freak out. Any ideas on how to handle this?
- John G Stevens on The Story of my Rape as an 8-Year-Old BoyThanks for sharing your story Michael. It is good to know that you have received substantial healing from what happened in the condemned house. If you ever want to go farther in that healing journey, the Allender Center in Seattle has great resources and many skilled therapists. One of their top therapists, Wendell Moss, is a Black man with a story that is similar to yours. He was a friend of YOB several years ago (he may still be).
- John G Stevens on Befriending a Missionary after Coming Out to HimSam, I am always encouraged when I hear portions of your story. Your relationship with the missionary is no exception, precious.
- Steven C on Befriending a Missionary after Coming Out to HimI love how you support each other. He sounds like a good man (and so do you). I have a priest friend slightlyolder than me. He's not allowed to get married, but his vocation leaves him with little free time. But being celibate gives me a little more flexibility in my schedule to gove him community and friendship when he has some down time.
- Tony C. on The Story of my Rape as an 8-Year-Old BoyFirst of all, thank you for courageously sharing your story. May God continue to work His transformative healing upon your life. Second, your defense-mechanism of being walled against all Black people, resembles the general tendency of boys (of any race or ethnicity) to put up a wall to protect their heart from all boys or men, if they have been hurt or just felt alienated from their dad or male role-models, which then can be sexualized in early puberty among guys with SSA. You gradually found healing in restoring part of your Black identity , just like we also find...
- jeffnkr on The Story of my Rape as an 8-Year-Old BoyHUG I'm so sorry this happened to you.
- Mike on “Close”: A Movie About Affectionate Friendship Between Boys"Eat from the tree of the knowledge of gay and straight" is a great turn of phrase. And that's the movie's central tragedy (the one from which the others spring). The implicit comparison of the boys living in an Eden of sorts with their friendship is apt, as there are a lot of parallels: From innocence to self-consciousness and shame, an outside tempter (that Leo gives into) in the form of their classmates, once they've become self-conscious they can't ever really go back, and even that eating from the tree leads to death.
Michael Jeremiah Black on My Struggle to be Around Brothers at this Year’s YOBBERS RetreatGiant ❤️ - Steven c on Affirmations for All at This Year’s YOBBERS Retreat"As long as I can remember, I’ve loathed being attracted to other men; yet now, because of my Christian conviction amid my unwanted sexuality, I feel able to express myself with a brotherly love that most men don’t even know exists." I relate to this a lot. I've gotten a lot more into really affirming my friends, both in their good qualities and in what they mean to me. I've found that even straight guys are very receptive and tend to respond in kind. And i love saving the notes to look back on and remind me of how they...
- Micah on A Rumor of Masculinity at My First YOBBERS Retreat"One thing being a gay Christian will force you to do is reckon with yourself; to own your own emotions and ideas; to choose a path in life that no one else will choose for you." Beautifully stated, Jonathan. I resonate so deeply with that thought. There's something that seems very masculine to myself about having the courage to pursue a path in life which only God or other like-minded Side B individuals may understand.