Inwardly my friend seemed to be bravely fighting something. Maybe drugs and alcohol were just his misguided way of fighting whatever his inner baggage was.
I've never much desired sexual intercourse with men. Throughout my life, however, my erotic thoughts and desires have centered almost entirely on nudity.
It is difficult to be present with people you know will grow uninterested in you. It is difficult to develop friendships knowing your value is temporary.
These words served as a reminder that my story is worth telling and sharing. And equally as important, truth needs to be spoken.
Sometimes it’s as if "coming out" and getting rid of the wall between my same-sex attractions and the rest of me will somehow make my sexuality more real.
As I reflect on this new friendship, I begin to overanalyze. Have I replaced one best friend with another?
His confessions showed me the actual similarities between his substance abuse and my same-sex attractions.
Growing up as a pastor's kid, I hid my homosexuality because I didn't want my father or my family to know that I was a "mistake."
It's not just that I never had a childhood best friend; it's that I'll never have a childhood best friend. That era has come and gone, that chapter closed.
And then my wife came up the stairs and saw me in my deplorable state. I was attempting to fix the bathtub plumbing. And losing.