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Several of our featured authors watched the film, Boy Erased. It's based on the real-life story of Garrard Conley who wrote a memoir of the same name. Boy Erased follows a young man's journey through reparative or conversion therapy, and it's also a story of a mother's and father's relationships with their gay son. It's a heavy film, and we debriefed it together in this extensive conversation.
I'm a sensitive man who feels things, feels things all the time, and no amount of oversleeping or overdrinking or pornography or promiscuity will turn me off.
My friend was not a physically affectionate guy. He showed his discomfort with my physical affection. I was aware and relented some. But I still tried to show him physical affection when I could. I believed it was healthy. I told myself that this physical affection was necessary for us as friends.
Being a stereotypical gay/SSA guy, I had no interest in sports or athletics. I seemed not to care very much about how my body looked either. However, my medical problems gave me a new perspective on how I treated my body. I was tired of being an awkward, flabby, doughy guy. So, I joined a gym. I definitely felt intimidated.
I reached a point of knowing I could trust God, and I was able to choose a more adventurous, challenging life to accomplish more of what really matters! I wouldn't trade the experiences in those three years of my midlife crisis for anything.
You might have heard there's a new Gillette commercial about "toxic masculinity." The commercial has garnered a lot of attention, both positive and negative. Since masculinity is a cornerstone topic in this community, we thought we'd enter the conversation, too. Did we like the Gillette commercial? Hate it? Want more of it? We had a conversation with several of our featured authors.
I didn't realize it at the time, but I'd made brotherhood my idol. Looking back, I see it so clearly now. So madly obvious. I made this pursuit of brotherhood and even ministry my idol. And I got the wind knocked out of me on the asinine climb.
Whenever I struggled, I sent my friend a message and he encouraged me. By all accounts, I started doing better with my depression. But that's how codependency can look at the start -- a "healthy" accountability relationship.
I hadn't wanted orientation change out of a desire to please God. I'd wanted to be straight because I simply wanted to be normal. I had been scared. I was internally homophobic, hating myself and especially other gay men.