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After 5+ years, we've finally launched a YOB store! Check out our "You Are Not Alone" diner mug, along with YOB stickers, a magnet, and Tom's first book. With more items to come!
We yearn for men. We yearn for specific men. We yearn for abstract, unspecified men. We yearn for men in general. We yearn for men to yearn for other men. Sometimes we yearn for men's bodies, sometimes for their hearts, sometimes for their souls. We yearn for brothers. We yearn for boyfriends or husbands. Some of us yearn for fathers, some of us yearn for sons. We yearn to encounter, to access, and to drink deeply of the raw, earthy-sweet, intoxicating, powerful substance of masculinity. To be welcomed into it, to be wanted into it.
Before visiting him, I can't remember our ever talking about what would happen at night. Cody had a bunkbed in his room, even though he lived alone. The top bunk was made for me when I arrived, but I didn't sleep in it once. It just sorta...happened.
As incredibly difficult as 2020 was and as much as I still feel inept with many of the fruits (looking at you, gentleness and self-control), I have grown more in 2020 than any year before. Now, as we have entered 2021, life is still taking twists and turns like never before. This coming year will hold new adventures, new hurts, and new lessons yet to unfold. However, one place I will not be continuing these adventures, for now, is here. On Your Other Brothers.
Physical touch isn't even one of my love languages, but it doesn't have to be. Humans are meant to have regular physical interaction with others. When the pandemic started, I became acutely aware that physical touch would be more rare than it already was in my life. I've experienced physical touch a total of seven times in almost a year.
My issues with self-control go well beyond the typical desires of hunger, attraction, sleep, and so on. It goes into my struggle to pause before acting – at anything.
Whatever the reason, this is where I find myself: apathetic toward the Church, God, and disciplines like reading Scripture and prayer. I'm not angry at the Church -- just apathetic. And in that apathy I feel ordinarily strong convictions weaken.
For many years gentleness was a foreign concept to me. Even after actually coming to know Christ in college, I still didn't get gentleness. Jesus turned over tables in the temple – aren't we supposed to do the same?
Why didn't I have a friend like that to fulfill over two decades of touch-deprivation? Or was I even right to long for touch like that? Did that sort of touch between two men cross a line? Could two men cuddle without sinning or pushing boundaries?